Empty nest: I got this . . . whoops, maybe not.

A few days ago, we left our third and final child to college.

If you’ve followed me for any length of time, you know I’ve been celebrating the coming of this next chapter in my life for some time. Our youngest had a busy schedule for the past 2 years with school, cheerleading, a job, and a crazy social schedule. So, I really felt as if we were already there.

She is extremely independent, smart, savvy, capable. I am not worried. I’m happy for her . . . proud of her . . . EXCITED for her!

This is finally MY time! Instead of being behind the scenes supporting everyone else, I would finally take center stage! Furthermore, I am not a super sentimental person, so I did not expect nor were there any tears from me at any time during the move in or on departure.

Yet, now, here I sit, stalking her on the GPS program (shhhhhh . . . ). I’ve talked to her just once since we left 3 days ago. I restrain myself, knowing I need to give her time and space. When I do text or call, they go unanswered for hours or days. I’m not worried nor do I wish she were still here. She is where she should be, doing what she should be doing. She is a superstar. She will be busy and have 1,000s of friends. I JUST WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT!!

What is she doing? Who is she with? Where did she eat? What did she eat? How were the rush events? Has she bought her books? What’s her class schedule?

After three days of laying around, filling my days with reading social media posts from the university and the college parent pages, checking to see where she is on Life 360, and waiting to hear from her, I realized something:

I have Empty Nest Syndrome.

As someone who has had lifelong depression and anxiety, I am well-educated on mental health issues and signs and symptoms. Many people think depression is when you’re just sad all the time. Not so. I am rarely “sad.” There are many other signs of depression, including irritability, aggressiveness, lethargy, restlessness, insomnia, eating changes, etc.

Ironically, I had assumed I did not have Empty Nest Syndrome if I wasn’t teary, longing for her to be back home, and sick with worry. I mean . . . I’ve read about parents absentmindedly entering their college kids’ empty bedrooms to check on them. Or sitting on their kids’ beds crying. That’s not ME!

It dawned on me, today, that while I am not sitting in a puddle of tears, I have not been behaving “normally,” for the past couple of days and perhaps I needed to own up to it.

What are the signs of Empty Nest Syndrome?

A quick check on “PsychCentral” confirmed my suspicions:

· Restlessness

· Loneliness

· Irritability

· Languishing

· Re-examining roles and relationships

Put a big fat checkmark next to “Languishing” for me! The article defined languishing as:

“You don’t exactly feel bad, but something feels off. You have less energy and less motivation to do the things you used to do. This is called languishing, and it’s sometimes a symptom of empty nest syndrome.”

The thing is, everyone experiences empty nesting differently. Just like depression or grief, it is not a one-size-fits all experience. Some may dissolve into a puddle of tears. Some may feel hopeless. Others, like me, just may feel off.

Even though I was mentally looking forward to this day—for her AND for me—I’m still experiencing difficulties. I can imagine that, for those who have dreaded this day, the symptoms could be very tough.

Now that I've diagnosed myself, what to do about it?

The We're Not Dead Yet Guide to coping with the empty nest:

1. Get in touch with your feelings and give yourself permission to feel them. I accomplished this today. I have acknowledged my behavior change and am allowing myself to experience it. Furthermore, I'm writing about it. You might want to journal your feelings.

2. Establish a new system and schedule for communication with your student. (I still need to get her on board with this.) I was so encouraged when she called ME the first day. She told me all about her rush activities . . . and then asked for money. UGH!

3. Plan for Parents Weekend. With 2 older kids in non-football colleges, we finally get a chance to tailgate and do it right! It’s right around the corner!

4. Live vicariously, but quietly. Remember what it was like to spread your wings? Were not those some of your most memorable days? Now the light of your life gets to experience ALL of that! I can’t wait to hear about it, but the WAITING to hear about it will be the challenge.

5. Self-care. (I know, the most over-used term right now, but do it anyway.) For me, it's going to mean getting back to a workout routine and resuming my healthy nutrition program.

6. Resume normal activities. I stopped stalking my daughter long enough, today, to participate in a webinar and write a blog. That's a start! Now, I need to get back to work! By helping others live their best lives, I'll be living mine.

7. Enjoy couple time. If you are married or have a significant other, double down on togetherness or reintroduce yourself, if necessary. We resumed our “happy hours” upon arrival home and our “movie nights” in the home theater last night. We may or may not have slept through much of it, but . . .

8. Get back in the Friend Zone. If you are single—or even if you aren’t—you now have more time to schedule girls’ lunches or girls’ nights out. Sure, you’ll all spend most of the time talking about your kids, but you’ll have support and comfort.

9. Think big. Now’s the time to catch up on those We’re Not Dead Yet Interviews on my YouTube channel. You’ll hear from so many women like you who had an idea and went for it. And, NO, you don’t have to be sitting on a pile of cash to start a new dream! Many of my guests tell you how.

10. Only give your college kid small amounts of money at a time. If they only call for money, the calls will be more frequent! When I told my 93-year-old mother that I was so excited that the college girl had called ME without prompting, only to find out she needed money, she said, "well only give her a few dollars at a time, so she'll call more often!"

I’m not a mental health professional, but I do know this: if your symptoms don’t seem to resolve or they keep you from sleeping, eating properly, or interfere with normal activities, please acknowledge it and seek professional help.

If you also are going through transitional phase called empty nesting or have previously, please leave a comment on your empty nest protocol.

We’ve got too much to dream and do to be sidetracked for long with this Empty Nest Syndrome business!