Is "anti-aging" a dirty word?

Pro-aging. Anti-aging. Ageism.

60 is the new 40. Reverse Aging. Aging Backward.

As the population is living longer, healthier lives, these terms are increasingly discussed and debated. I've observed discussions everywhere from LindedIn to Clubhouse, from Facebook to Instagram.

If you follow enough of the very well-meaning pro-age bloggers or influencers, you may have heard a recurring theme. In their zeal to promote positivity among aging women and combat what they view as societal prejudice, they urge (as is the custom now) cancelation of certain phrases and re-defing the aging conversation. Have you heard any of the following protestations:

“Anti-aging is an ageist term. We’re aging and we should be proud of it.”

“Beauty companies pushing reverse-aging products perpetuate the message that only youth equals beauty.”

“We’ve earned our wrinkles and gray hair and we should embrace them.”

"We must normalize aging."

I recently read a woman’s Tweet that all of us over 50 should dye our hair gray so that those who have naturally turned gray will not suffer discrimination. What?

Playing devil’s advocate, I submit to you that THOSE statements are ageist. Some defenders and promoters of mature women have become so zealous that merely trying to manage your midlife middle or reduce the signs of wrinkles

now falls under the heading of AGEISM.

Let me get this straight: If I'm, say, 30, I can thicken my hair, moisturize my skin, and go on a diet. But now that I'm 56, I am thereby denying my age? When did taking care of your body, skin, or hair, become something to which only the young are entitled?

I can reason that one could interpret "anti-aging" as being against people who are aging, but I can also argue that it simply refers to combating the negative effects of aging.

I’ve highlighted my hair since my early 30s, but now I’m too old? I spent my life trying to stay fit, but wanting to maintain that level of fitness now means I’m denying the natural redistribution and weight gain? How is saying a woman is “too old” to wear her hair the way she wants any less ageist than saying she’s too old to be hired for a job?

Some say we need to “normalize” aging, as if we are the first generation to age. It IS NORMAL . . . as normal as life and death. Because it’s normal, it’s also normal to want to slow the negative effects. It’s been scientifically proven that we CAN slow the aging process. And why shouldn’t we?

Whether it’s hair color, skin care, exercise, diet . . . or even plastic surgery, more thought leaders are suggesting that the promotion of self-improvement is ageist. I believe that the pursuit of “my best” is not denying my age, but rather celebrating my age, by continuing the maintenance and self-improvement I have done my entire life. How are we less worthy now? And at what age, exactly, does it become frowned upon to take care of oneself? 45? 55? 65?

Yes, wrinkles, saggy skin, gray hair, and weight gain are all natural effects of aging. So is diminishing eyesight, and yet we get correction. I have friends whose knees and hips have worn out. They could resign themselves to a wheelchair, but they get knee replacements, instead.

The fact is we’ve been doing things to combat the “natural” problems we encounter our entire lives. And because of that, some of you may be sick and tired of the maintenance and the effort and the cost. I totally get it, and that is up to you. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, if you’re doing something not because it makes you feel good, but because of what other people think, then you need a psychologist, not face lift.

Let us not, however, decry the beauty industry for constantly researching and developing solutions nor shame those women who want to take advantage of them. My Brow and Lash Serum from Nulastin has been pretty miraculous for me. Forget about age, I could have used it at 20, but better late than never. And I'm still experimenting with solutions for my crepey legs.

So, if you enjoy feeling and looking like a million bucks, but the pro-aging culture at times makes you feel like you’re an unnatural age-denier, the consider the many UNNATURAL things we do throughout every stage of our lives in the pursuit of well-being and self-love.

Top 10 things you probably have done that weren’t “natural:”

1. Acne treatment. Acne is a NATURAL part of being a teenager. If you were cursed with it, I am confident you treated it and covered it up.

2. Braces. For many of us our adult teeth came in and were crowded and crooked. They were natural, but our parents spent lots of money and we wore a mouth full of silver for years to get that perfect smile.

3. Tanning. Raise your hand if you did crazy things as a teenager like slather on baby oil and fry in the sun? Who in the 80s didn’t visit a tanning salon? Now, spray tans are all the rage.

4. Makeup. What age were you when you started wearing makeup? Women now even wear makeup to achieve a “no makeup” look!

5. Perms. I was born with fine, straight hair, but that didn’t stop me. I had a head full of curls throughout a large part of the 80s.

6. Straightening. And then as soon as perms went out, hair straighteners came in. This straight-haired gal thought THAT was crazy, but curly, frizzy-haired gals of all ages started sporting board-straight locks.

7. Hair color. My long blonde hair was my crowning glory growing up. Then in my 30s I started getting plagued with really dirty-looking roots. I’ve had highlights and lowlights ever since. Some change their color completely. Now pink and purple are mainstream! I don’t have any gray still. If I had lovely silver, I’d probably wear it that way, but saying I shouldn’t color my hair because I’m old—that’s ageism!

8. Waxing. Hair is normal, people! Shaved a time or two? How about waxing? Does this make you a “hair denier?”

9. Perspiration. Also, normal. And unlike the others, this is one we DO correct for other people.

10. Birth Control. Our bodies were miraculously made to make babies. However, most of us have used some sort of birth control to prevent or manage births.

Implying that there is some magic age at which point I am no longer permitted to do things that affect my appearance is AGEISM! I personally will take advantage of every new scientific discovery, not to DENY my age, but to HONOR my age and live my most healthy, happy, and fulfilled years for as long as I walk this earth. So, bring on the highlights, the Collagen, the Retinol, the AHAs and BHAs, the Elastin, the lasers, and maybe one day even a facelift. As a brilliant marketing person once said, “Because I’m worth it.”

But I say:

"We're Not Dead Yet!"