The narrative we must change is the one in our heads.

This has the potential to be controversial because it flies in the face of what so many other pro-aging influencers are saying.

But I have to say it anyway.

You may have heard them:

“we must shift this cultural conversation about what it means to be in our 40s, 50s, 60s, etc.”

Or

“The beauty industry equates youth with beauty and we have to embrace our wrinkles and falling out hair and not cave to their standards.”

Or

“Women over 50 are invisible to society, and we must make ourselves seen.”

I’m writing to push back on this notion and tell you the only thing that needs to change is what we believe.

Ageism is not something that can be eradicated. Humans are human and they make judgements. You can’t remove a prejudicial thought from someone’s mind any more than you can remove jealousy, pride, hate, or greed. You can’t stop someone from viewing you as old, any more than you can stop the scammers from robo calling you and telling you your Amazon account has been hacked or emailing you saying you need to call them immediately about your Ameican Express Account. (please, make that stop.)

There will always be people who have prejudices, no matter how much they are educated or how much they are confronted. There is evil and stupidity in the world. That’s just a fact.

Now on that happy note, let me pose a question. What do the thoughts in another person’s mind have to do with how we feel about ourselves? Or how we live our lives? NOTHING! If it does, there’s help for that. It’s called therapy.

There are individual occasions where another’s ageist beliefs might directly affect you. Perhaps you were denied a promotion or let go because of your age. Then, certainly, that’s an individual fight that should be waged. And there’s help for that, too. They’re called lawyers.

But for most of us, the only narrative that needs changing is our own. Do you have this nagging feeling that you are invisible to society? Do you feel that external forces are holding you back?

The only thing keeping us from living our most loud and proud lives at every age is ourselves.

I would suggest that when we blame “society,” we use it as an excuse for not living the way we would like. We doubt ourselves. We doubt our own worth. This is quite normal for women, especially, in midlife.

But if we actually take a look at the signs in society, now, we find that women over 40, 50, 60, and 70 are being celebrated. Some say it’s just about money. They don’t really value us, but just want our money. WHO CARES?

And what’s more, this evolution didn’t start yesterday. In fact, could it be that seeing more and more fabulous older women in media and marketing is what has given so many of us the nudge to live bolder?

In an article on oprahdaily.com entitled, “Beauty Brands are Catering to Women over 50—Finally,” Krista Bennett Demaio and Erin Stovall write:

“The new millennium seemed to bring a subtle shift in this mentality as baby boomers, the largest generation at that time, were reaching midlife. Finally, women over age 50 were showing up in campaigns from major beauty brands.”

They name several women who landed beauty brand deals since the turn of the millennium, and here I’ve added to that list:

2005 Susan Sarandon 58 Revlon

2005 Christie Brinkley 51 CoverGirl

2006 Dianne Keanton 70 L’Oreal Paris

2014 Helen Mirren 69 L’Oreal Paris

2014 Jessica Lange 65 Marc Jacobs Beauty

2014 Charlotte Rampling 68 NARS

2016 Isabella Rossellini 63 Lancome

2017 Maye Musk 69 CoverGirl

2019 Viola Davis 54 L’Oreal Paris

2019 Lauren Hutton 76 StriVectin

2022 Cher 75 M.A.C.

2019 Joan Collins 86 Charlotte Tillbury

Ironically, back in 1995, actress Isabella Rossellini was fired from Lancome at the age of 43 because they wanted someone younger. It took them 20 years to realize their mistake, but in 2016, Lancome REHIRED her at the age of 63.

On the other hand, L’Oreal Paris hired actress Andie MacDowell in 1986 and has stuck with her for 36 years. She is still a treasured member of the company’s “Dream Team” at the age of 64.

Similarly, Eva Longoria signed with L’Oreal at the age of 30 and remains a part of the same Dream Team now at the age of 47.

It was much talked about earlier this year that, at the age of 74, Elon’s mom Maye Musk appeared on one of four covers of the “Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition”. But you may NOT know that she was gracing covers as a model for years prior. Way back in 2010, Maye Musk appeared nude on the cover of “Time” magazine at the age of 62 and in 2011 NUDE AGAIN on the cover of “New York” magazine.

In an article in “The New York Post” entitled “Elon Musk’s model mom will have to wait for her Model 3,” (May 4, 2016) Musk explains that her career is better than it’s ever been,” Musk talked about her career peaking in her 60s.

“I’m 68 now, and I’m just starting my career. I’ve been a working model for 50 years, and now I get signed by IMG. I’m having so much fun,” she says. “It’s such a big surprise. When I was 15, I was told that at 18 I’d be done.”

And although 74-year-old Lauren Hutton landed a skincare gig at 76, she has been modeling and walking catwalks since she was 47. In recent years, she’s walked the runway for Valentino, Bottega Veneta, and Tom Ford and is still a working model at the age of 78.

There are so many more examples in the movie industry, Broadway, and fashion. I'm going to save those for another post.

In the meantime, it’s time for women “of a certain age” to take note that the train started moving 20 years ago and is still chugging. We just need to punch our tickets and get on board.